I know most people use it endearingly and without thinking. We’ve finally waved goodbye to spinster, and f*g, so why is GBF still a thing? Is it finally time to do away with it for good? And, in an age where we’re more aware of our language and harmful tropes, it doesn’t sit well with me that it’s still used so widely. While that was over 10 years ago now, it seems many people still use the term to describe their ‘different’ friend. I let myself play that role and leaned into the stereotype in a world that only accepted gayness if it was at the service of a straight girl. I was scared that my voice was 'too gay' so I never spoke loudly - or spoke up. But looking back, I realise I was guilty of putting immense pressure on myself, too. Sure, society's lack of acceptance, poor representation in movies and harsh bullies played their part in my desire to hide my gayness and be perceived as normal. “Perhaps especially when they are young, and still coming to terms with who they are, some gay men may feel that pigeon-holing themselves into the stereotypes is an acceptable price for friendship.” And that's exactly how I felt. Becky Spellman, a psychologist and clinical director of Private Therapy Clinic.
When homophobes call you gay meme full#
They are expected to fulfil a very specific role in their (usually) female friend’s life that effectively reduces them to a series of pastiches and does not reveal the full complexity of their personality," says Dr. “Often, this popular stereotype can actually be extremely damaging and hurtful to the person involved. Because the concept of the GBF implies - and constantly reminds you - that while they are normal, you are not.
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You see, when you are with a group of LGBTQ+ people, you are never branded the ‘gay one.’ But with straight people, you are always the ‘gay one.’ And this is where the problem lies. "The gay one"Īs I got older and made friends with more LGBTQ+ people, I realised that there was more to life than being labelled. Like me, they stood behind the straight girl. Their lives and struggles weren't important enough. But because we rarely heard a back story for those unsung heroes, we never got to find out who they really were. It's a role that on the surface works for the happy ending of a rom com, revolving around one character. Damien from Mean Girls, George from My Best Friend’s Wedding or Brandon from Easy A, all fulfilled their role as the comedy GBF perfectly. But re-watching the romantic comedies I'd loved when I was younger, I noticed the GBF was always a side-line character, wing man or supporting role. Still, I plastered on a smile and channelled the happy-go-lucky GBFs I'd seen on the screen. "I craved to be 'normal' but all I did was stand out"Ī role that was meant to make me feel accepted and loved gradually turned out to be a pretty hard gig. Unaware of his homophobia, I assumed he was right. "You should be out playing football," he said. An adult man who towered over me, pulled me to one side, and said it wasn't right for a boy to be friends with a group of girls. The only lad at the girl’s sleepover, where a father made me feel bad for being the only boy there. I lost count of the times I was the only boy shopping with a group of girls. "Īnd ‘behind’ them is exactly where I stood. According to the Urban Dictionary, " The gay best friend is the best friend of any hot girl you know, and the key to getting with that girl.
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To the world, I was just one of ‘the girls.’ But in my heart, that didn't feel right. We’d laugh at my stupid jokes and it felt good to have real friends to text and hang out with.īut the negatives that came with the GBF label gradually started to creep in. They didn’t judge me or make me feel bad.
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I finally felt needed and, for the first time in my life, like I fitted in. Those friends brought me back to life after hiding for so long.